I’ve been content to let Laura post here over the last few months. First, she’s an amazing writer, and even as someone who is living through this with her, I’ve enjoyed reliving it through her words. But I also just haven’t had it in me.

Thursday night we had dinner with our friends Barry and Melissa. They were our mentor couple in a marriage mentoring community group for two years, and still regularly speak truth and wisdom into our lives and marriage.

As we caught them up on the last few months of our lives, Barry stopped us and said, “So you have been through fostering, the start of a difficult school year[1], finishing grad school, and sadness over your pastor losing his job? How are you guys handling all that?” Laura responded that it feels normal for us with all we’ve been through the last few years between my parents divorcing, buying a house, both of us changing careers, and more. Barry responded “You guys need a new normal.”

And here lies the tension.

Laura and I want to be fostering. We miss having kids in our home. She quit her job and began freelancing to be more available to do this. And she’s fairly ready for a new placement…but I’m not. Yesterday was the first day I have felt truly rested and relaxed in months. Grad school is winding down with my graduation less than a month out, and at work this coming week we have field trips and Thanksgiving break. I’m not behind on anything for the first time since August, and I’m actually taking time to do things that are fun for me and not just work. As the stress finally abates, the thought of taking on a new placement right now gives me anxiety, but so does the thought of not.

So I don’t know when we’ll say yes again. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last several years, it’s that few things in life are black and white. Nothing is definite, especially when it’s in something as messy as fostering. But we’re not done yet, just waiting.

  1. I have a student with some very high needs who I love to death, but who has taken a lot out of me.  ↩